in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and
began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there
were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big
breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be,"remorsefully replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
* * * * * * * * * * * *
One day, I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
* * * * * * * * * * *
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E
on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly
what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered.
I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and now, I'm
running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty
patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old
patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion
she answered...
"Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
* * * * * * * * * * *
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
I, then, asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment, he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged
lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work
and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She
replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I
was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."
Life is Great!
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